- Being unable to stand and leave without first saying ârightâ
- Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
- Saying âanywhere hereâs fineâ when the taxiâs directly outside your front door
- Having someone sit next to you on the train or bus, meaning youâll have to eat your crisps at home
- The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train or bus ticket is accepted by the inspector
- The horror of someone you only half know saying: âOh Iâm getting that train or bus tooâ
- âSorry, is anyone sitting here?â â Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
- Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
- Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
- Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again
- Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
- Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying âI think thatâs rightâ
- Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
- Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
- Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
- Punishing people who donât say thank you by saying âyouâre welcomeâ as quietly as possible
- The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
- Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing youâve made a terrible, terrible mistake..
- Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot.
- Realising youâve got about fifty grandâs worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
- âYouâll have to excuse the messâ â Translation: Iâve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
- Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
- âIâm off to bedâ â Translation: âIâm off to stare at my phone in another part of the houseâ
- Mishearing somebodyâs name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
- Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever
- Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed âcheersâ, âtaâ and ânice oneâ
- Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
- Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding itâs perhaps best never to speak again
- The relief when someone doesnât answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
- Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well youâll never, ever watch it again
do you have any that we missed?
